This TED talk provides an interesting view of how our culture talks about “love.” In a recent conversation with a young woman contemplating a relationship, her emotions were obviously being tugged at. The perspective presented here is VERY interesting. In our conversation I think we were able to “reframe” the concept of “love” and “relationship” she was considering in terms of a collaboration toward something beautiful and creative with contributions toward something long term and solid by both parties. It surprised me a few days later to discover that she had completely changed her consideration of this relationship. When one gets away from being driven by the unstable and exciting emotionalism of the moment…that same mechanism that is fed by drug use… and looks at a prospective relationship more long term and collaboratively, it sometimes is not so exciting, but much more rational and healthy. I think older, more mature people approach relationships this way instead of in the heady, giddy emotional way of adolescence. Although our culture certainly promotes and fosters such an adolescent fantasy approach.
Given that so many of the women in addiction I have worked with had a history of serial relationships, “falling” in and out of love, and codependent behavior, I have believed that this pattern of addictive behavior was as important, or more so, to address in the context of recovery. This certainly validates that observation and belief.